President Trump's ongoing project to construct a ballroom at the White House ignited a firestorm of criticism from Democratic politicians. California Congressman Eric Swalwell demanded that all 2028 Democratic presidential candidates promise to demolish the luxurious dance venue if elected.
"Don’t even think of seeking the Democratic nomination for president unless you pledge to take a wrecking ball to the Trump Ballroom on DAY ONE," Swalwell warned in an X post.
Stung by this criticism and seeking to assuage Democrats' outrage, Trump offered Swalwell an olive branch. "Effectively immediately," Trump announced, "I'm renaming the federal prison at Alcatraz the 'Eric Swalwell Federal Correctional Facility."
"I think Eric's gonna love it," Trump told reporters as he was boarding Air Force One. "He's gonna love the new tiled gang showers. They're HUGE!"
Later that day, Karoline Leavitt, White House Press Secretary, announced that the federal government is selling the Pelosi Federal Building to the In-and-Out Hamburger chain. In-And-Out is introducing a five-patty hamburger called the Pritzker Burger to celebrate the transfer.
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| Did someone say In-N-Out? |