The Big Apple already removed a statue of Theodore Roosevelt from its prominent place in front of the Museum of Natural History. It seems inevitable that Columbus, Washington, and Jefferson will be carted off to the dustbin of New York City’s history.
All that could save them now would be some exculpatory evidence showing that some of these historical figures were woke.
Penelope Birkenstock, an assistant professor of herstory at Vassar College, recently published a paper arguing that George Washington was transgender. According to Birkenstock, Washington was born a biological female (or birthing person) named Charity Washington. While in junior high school, Charity’s teachers encouraged her to explore her sexual identity.
As Birkenstock has documented, Charity was highly self-conscious about her height. She was over 6 feet tall and often teased by other colonial school girls. Although she excelled at basketball, Charity couldn't get an athletic scholarship to Harvard because Harvard didn't admit females.
At age 15, Charity sensibly declared herself a male and changed her name to George. Birkenstock also established that Washington’s preferred pronouns were they, we, and them.
Perhaps Birkenstock’s research may cause progressive scholars to reevaluate Washington’s role in US history. It appears that he (or she or they) is (or are) the nation's only transgender president.
As for Jefferson and Columbus, however, it seems inevitable that these racist scamps will be erased from the history of NYC.
And there is more to come. Henry Ford was a famous anti-Semite, which may require Ford automobiles to be renamed in New York City, along with the Ford Foundation, which has its headquarters in New York.
John D. Rockefeller Jr. was heavily into eugenics and believed that Anglo-Saxons were superior to other races. There goes Rockefeller Center and the Rockettes.
Critics may say that the New York City Council is just a bunch of loons for wanting to expunge various prominent historical figures from the civic landscape. But I say go for it!
New York City has already distinguished itself as a sanctuary city that will accept illegal immigrants from anywhere in the world except Texas. It has also broken new ground in the field of law by releasing violent criminals onto the streets while prosecuting citizens who object to being pushed in front of subway trains. Tearing down statues seems a natural step on New York City’s road to becoming the nation’s capital woke city.