NYC may remove George Washington's statue: But what if George was transgender?

The New York City Council is pondering whether to remove statues around the city of people linked to slavery or other evil deeds. Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and Christopher Columbus are on the chopping block.

The Big Apple already removed a statue of Theodore Roosevelt from its prominent place in front of the Museum of Natural History. It seems inevitable that Columbus, Washington, and Jefferson will be carted off to the dustbin of New York City’s history.
All that could save them now would be some exculpatory evidence showing that some of these historical figures were woke.

Penelope Birkenstock, an assistant professor of herstory at Vassar College, recently published a paper arguing that George Washington was transgender. According to Birkenstock, Washington was born a biological female (or birthing person) named Charity Washington. While in junior high school, Charity’s teachers encouraged her to explore her sexual identity. 

As Birkenstock has documented, Charity was highly self-conscious about her height. She was over 6 feet tall and often teased by other colonial school girls. Although she excelled at basketball, Charity couldn't get an athletic scholarship to Harvard because Harvard didn't admit females. 

At age 15, Charity sensibly declared herself a male and changed her name to George. Birkenstock also established that Washington’s preferred pronouns were they, we, and them.

Perhaps Birkenstock’s research may cause progressive scholars to reevaluate Washington’s role in US history. It appears that he (or she or they) is (or are) the nation's only transgender president.

As for Jefferson and Columbus, however, it seems inevitable that these racist scamps will be erased from the history of NYC.

And there is more to come. Henry Ford was a famous anti-Semite, which may require Ford automobiles to be renamed in New York City, along with the Ford Foundation, which has its headquarters in New York.

John D. Rockefeller Jr. was heavily into eugenics and believed that Anglo-Saxons were superior to other races. There goes Rockefeller Center and the Rockettes.

Critics may say that the New York City Council is just a bunch of loons for wanting to expunge various prominent historical figures from the civic landscape. But I say go for it!

New York City has already distinguished itself as a sanctuary city that will accept illegal immigrants from anywhere in the world except Texas. It has also broken new ground in the field of law by releasing violent criminals onto the streets while prosecuting citizens who object to being pushed in front of subway trains. Tearing down statues seems a natural step on New York City’s road to becoming the nation’s capital woke city.

Goodbye, Teddy. We hardly knew ye. Photo credit New York Post

Blue Plate mayonnaise rolls out a new label and gets at least one new customer. Meanwhile, Budweiser loses its fan base

Liz Faul, who writes for my local newspaper, reported a charming story about Blue Plate mayonnaise, made by a New Orleans company that's been in business since 1927. As Faul’s story explains, Blue Plate recently rolled out a new label that will likely attract new customers.

Why is the New Orleans mayonnaise company named Blue Plate anyway? The name refers to Blue Willow plates, which were popular in the South in the 1920s. Blue Plate's version of the plate features depictions of a pelican, a river steamboat, and Magnolia blossoms. These words appear across the top of the label: “A New Orleans family tradition since 1927.”

I love the new label, and as soon as I finished reading Liz Faul’s story about it, I told myself Kraft mayonnaise, you are dead to me.

What makes the Blue Plate mayonnaise label so appealing? It's because it seeks to bond with its customers. The label reminds grocery shoppers that the mayonnaise is made in New Orleans, America’s foremost food city. The Blue Willow plate design, with its images of a pelican, a steamboat, and magnolia blossoms, signals that the company is proud of its regional heritage.

Compare Blue Plate’s new label with Budweiser’s disastrous advertising campaign designed to make the company appear woke by putting a transgender influencer’s mug on its beer cans. That harebrained scheme cost Bud Light about a quarter of its customers in just a few months.

Insulting corporate customers is like cheating on one's wife. The relationship may survive, but it will never be the same. Several of my Louisiana relatives were loyal Bud Light customers until they saw Dylan Mulvaney’s endorsement of their favorite brew. I don’t think any of them will ever drink a Bud Light again.

Bud’s boycotting customers are not transphobes or homophobes. They’re just people who like to drink beer and associate beer with bowling, fishing, golfing, and watching football games on television on Saturday afternoons. And when they're relaxing with a brewski, they don't want to talk politics.

And Budweiser knows that. If you look at vintage Budweiser advertisements in old magazines, you will see nostalgic scenes picturing people having a good time in casual settings. And when they’re having that good time, they certainly don’t want to be virtue signaled by their beer company.

What will my relatives drink now that they’re boycotting Bud Light? Maybe they’ll switch to Modelo, a Mexican beer company that promotes itself as a beer for fighters.

This Bud's not for you, you transphobic son of a bitch.