A special California task force has recommended giving Black Californians about $800 billion in reparations in compensation for the exploitation their enslaved ancestors suffered. Some people say this is a bad idea. After all, California never permitted slavery, and many African Americans came to California long after the Civil War to pursue opportunities in the California defense industry during World War II. California has a good record of treating African Americans fairly, and some people wonder why the state would consider reparations.
I'm in favor of the California reparation plan, and I hope
every African American in the Golden State gets at least a million dollars. In fact, I
think every American whose ancestors were exploited in any way should get a
cash settlement.
However, I don't think I personally should have to pay reparations to anybody. Jonah Fossey, my great-grandfather, immigrated with his family from England in the 1880s and landed in Halifax, Canada. Later he settled in eastern Kansas. No Fossey ever owned a slave. You can't pin that rap on the Fosseys.
This seems like a good time to make my own claim for
reparations based on the exploitation my ancestors experienced over the past
100 years or so. First, some of my immediate family lived in northwestern
Oklahoma in the heart of the Dust Bowl. If you've seen The Grapes of Wrath,
directed by John Ford, you know that the Dust Bowl farmers were exploited by
banks and big money interests. Many were forced to migrate to California,
where they suffered severe discrimination. In fact, the California Highway
Patrol set up roadblocks at the state border to prevent Okie refugees from
entering.
California discriminated against my Dust Bowl ancestors, and I demand reparations. I'm talking about the high six figures.
I telephoned Governor Newsom about this matter. (I'm on his speed dial, and he always takes my calls.) Gav agreed that the Okies were victims of vicious discrimination and promised to send me a check and a complimentary gift card for the French Laundry restaurant.
Second, there's that little matter of my father's
incarceration in a Japanese concentration camp during World War Two. My
father suffered severe PTSD from that experience, and the nation of Japan owes my
family hundreds of millions, if not billions, of dollars. And let's not forget
that the United States military was negligent in not preparing for the Japanese
invasion of the Philippines, where my father was stationed when he was captured.
So the US government owes us some money as well.
Let's see now--what other grievances do I have? Oh yes. I'm
a Catholic, and Catholics have been severely discriminated against in the
United States since colonial times. Historically, the most virulent anti-Catholic
bigots were concentrated in New England, and I have a big-time claim as a
Catholic against the Bay State.
So let's get this reparations program rolling. I'm setting
up a Panamanian bank account where the federal, Massachusetts and Japanese governments can wire my reparations checks. I would like my funds designated as
a tort settlement so I won't have to pay taxes on the money.
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| California owes me big time! |
